I don't know why I feel a need to put this out there. Perhaps, I just need to put SOMETHING out there... for self preservation? I'd like to believe that I am a pretty optimistic person. I smile a lot, crack jokes, and am always willing to jump in and help when needed. So, I'm guessing that it would surprise you to hear that I am feeling pretty down today.
About a month ago, I got a cold. It became a sinus infection. Then Bronchitis. Then Asthmatic Bronchitis. Then Pneumonia. Needless to say, I messed my lungs up pretty bad. After a month of treatments, medications, steroids, inhalers, and dealing with the comments, both of concern and of insult... I've had enough.
I'm tired. My chest hurts. I can't breathe. The muscles surrounding my rib cage ache and are frequently strained. I'm on steroids, which make me hungry ALL THE TIME, and I'm gaining weight. My clothes don't fit. I can't sleep for long periods of time. My hands ache from the carpal tunnel. AND as I do all of this, I have just completed a graduate school class, am working full time, raising 2 small children, and TRYING to be a good wife, despite ruining our 8th anniversary by being ill.
As this has gone on, I have attempted to find peace with my fiber art. I have dyed yarn, knitted, crocheted, and designed. Today, however, I woke up defeated. My hands hurt too much to knit. I'm facing another day at work that I just don't feel like being a part of. My youngest child is sick. I can't even find the joy that usually comes from the playful attitude of the Halloween season. I haven't even decorated. I have fallen into a depression because I know that I still have 6-8 weeks left of recovery on my lungs. I'm tired of the pills, inhalers, doctor visits and treatments.
I'm asking for your prayers. I need to find my happy place soon, or face an even scarier fate in depression.
Thank you, and I appreciate all of the support I get from you all.